Where is your soul mate?!

By Susan Braunstein, Rapid City Public Library Programming Librarian

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~ by Lao Tzu ~

For most people there is a genuine human longing to live their life with someone they love. In this age of technology where we are communicating more and more by computers and electronic devices the traditional methods of dating have somewhat disappeared. Looking for that special person can take a whole new direction.

One of the more popular pursuits is through on-line dating. Years go, when the library first had the Internet available, the most well-known on-line dating personal ads were listed for free on www.yahoo.com. I helped people figure out how to use it and at least two marriages that I knew of were a result of people communicating through this resource.
Other people I know have tried www.match.com, www.chemistry.com, www.equallyyoked.com, and www.eharmony.com. With the e harmony site, you fill out a lengthy application about yourself and it can give you some insight into what is important to you emotionally, physically and spiritually. Several of them have a deal where if you haven’t found someone in six months you get six months for free. There is a monthly charge if you want to visit with people on an in-depth level. You can get a sneak peek for no cost.

One of the concerns with on-line dating is whether the person is telling the truth about themselves. A friend of mine said one of the people she agreed to date from an on-line site told her he was surprised she looked like her photo. He commented that some of the women had a tendency to put photos up that were ten years old.

This is mentioned as a common mistake in the book, “On-Line Dating for Dummies,” by Judith Silverstein and Michael Lasky. This couple explains ten insights into ways to fail or succeed in on-line dating plus a list of 46 different on-line dating sites. I thought it was interesting that the authors were actually on-line themselves for 18 months trying to find someone; they found each other and are still happily together.

Once you have a relationship, understanding it and maintaining a solid partnership through the years can be challenging. In the book, “Why We Love - the Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love,” by anthropologist Helen Fisher she worked with a team of scientists to discover how romantic love biologically affects your sex drive and your attachment to your partner.

She has a new book out called, “Why Him? Why Her?,” where she explores the biology of personality based on the connection to dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen. She has come up with four different types of personalities: the explorers, the builders, the directors and negotiators. She recently appeared on Good Morning America and you can take her 50 question quiz on their website or go to www.chemistry.com/whyhimwhyher.
If you are struggling with issues in your relationship, some insights can be obtained from “Love Busters- Overcoming Habits that Destroy Romantic Love,” by William F. Hartley, Jr. What I like about this book is the style he uses that includes narratives of couples with problems and how they can be resolved.

Reading about love in romance novels has always been popular. The library’s webpage, www.rapidcitylibrary.org has several resources for the romance reader. If you are a fan of this type of novel and would like to see what others are reading, check out, ”Library Thing.” What if you have a favorite author and have read everything of theirs? Look for someone new on the Del.ic.ious link. One of most useful is, “All About Romance,” where if you like a certain author they will suggest similar writers for you. This is also true for another find a similar author resource, Novelist.

Have you dreamt of writing a romance yourself? There are several titles in the library that could assist you including, “Writing Romances – a Handbook” by the Romance Writers of America,” featuring articles by well-known authors, Janet Dailey, Jude Deveraux, Kathleen Eagle and Jo Beverley.

I like how the English poet, Sir Edwin Arnold (1832-1904) desibes our quest to find love in his poem, “Somewhere.”

SOMEWHERE

Somewhere there waiteth in this world of ours
For one lone soul, another lonely soul
Each chasing each through all the weary hours
And meeting strangely at one sudden goal:
Then blend they – like green leaves with golden flowers
Into one beautiful and perfect whole –
And life’s long night is ended, and the way
Lies open onward to eternal day.

Are you ready to take your romantic adventure? Stop in or visit the website and library staff will assist you on your journey.

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